Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and House?
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers, 11/04/1879 - 08/15/1935
US humorist & showman
